The Language of of the Dance: Body Language in Daily Life

Before I begin, let me say that I believe every human being on the planet has been at one time an expert on this topic. Which is? Non-verbal communication, a concept I'd like to explore in this hub. And how do I conclude that all people are experts? Well, let me re-phrase that...there are certainly degrees of expertise.

"Are you ok?" or "What's wrong?" are phrases that invariably get me into trouble with both my husband, Anthony, and my son, Aaron. I try not to use them. At all. I am known as someone who used to walk into a room after a full day of work and ask of somebody just 'sitting there', "Is something the matter?" Literally, dear reader, I just walked in, took in a facial expression and made a judgement about the situation all in one instant! Mighty impressive, huh?

I think I understand my family's frustration with the question because it presupposes mood. Who on earth am I to assume anything by assessing your face? In doing this I am judging you. Or am I?    What gave me that right?   Unless facial characteristics are extreme I really cannot know how another is feeling at any given moment.  Even the faces of loved ones are full of subtleties and inaccuracies. And yes, look in the mirror for the most deceptive face of all. Because it is ours to contort as we wish.  Although controlling our faces, our bodies, is not always as easy as it seems.

This is not to say that human beings always intend to mislead one another. That would be the job of a con man, versed in the art of flim-flam. Oftentimes when we interact, true feelings can 'leak' out behind our facial expressions. Another version of the contradictory nature of our "body language" can be found when we put 'a face forward' intentionally, but our body betrays us in some way. These are often unconscious cues that can be read and even predicted.

I call all of this interaction a dance, but it is certainly not a solo. The physical dancers among us can probably attest to the fact that body and mind must be in sync to convey the intended mood. Swan Lake, the Mikado, and the Nutcracker are only three of the ballets that depend upon the mood of the dancers to tell stories.

So what, after all, is the language of this dance? It can be fabulously rich or simply annoying, depending on the dancers involved. The 'experts' that I spoke of initially belong here, as some of us are very effective at portraying feelings while others are not. Relationships are woven from countless words in combination with body language which expresses itself sometimes unconsciously. Crossed arms reveal a defensive posturing, a relaxed body indicates openness.

We judge social situations as 'safe' or 'dangerous' often based on body language assumptions. Groups tend to send out messages regarding their status. Appropriate interaction with these people can then be judged by the individual. The photo to the left is included to demonstrate angry body language that I photographed this last Summer in Lake Tahoe. My husband and son were frustrated with my insistence on snapping photos of them, I believe my perseverance paid off.  

While I consider myself a fairly astute student of human nature, I have been wrong on many, many occasions. I believe that we are all social animals that rely on cues to interact successfully. But one must be very careful not to make assumptions without adequate information.  "Getting to know" a person can be a strong indicator of the success of that person's projected image, but truly understanding another human being will always remain a puzzle.