Quitting Cigarettes Once Again: Smoking and Stopping after Years of Addiction
76
The First Time
Before I begin this diatribe, I wish to apologize to my readers. This is a tale of a cigarette smoker who is aware of the redundant nature of such a story-who expects reader disgust and the rolling of eyes. Actually, it's me I am aware of the most, and I am angry with myself beyond belief. I've been a smoker for 38 1/2 years, quit for 3 months, then relapsed. Damn.
I now realize that I was incredibly close to relapse when I wrote the hub below, but didn't take it seriously enough:
http://hubpages.com/hub/Why-I-Quit
I mean, sure, I was a relieved and happy non-smoker, but addiction was hot on my heals and I did not see it coming.
The Mind Set
I knew I was going to smoke one evening sitting in an AA meeting. You see, I am also a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Thankfully, I have been clean and sober since June of 2008, but not from cigarettes. Smoking is so damnably dirty, I shouldn't even call myself clean. But if you understand addiction, you undoubtedly get it.
What happened at that meeting is that I was almost certain that I could smoke just one. HA! So I trotted off to my home and asked my husband for a cigarette. He questioned my decision, but relented. He had been trying to hide the fact that he was still smoking by doing so in our garage, but I'm not stupid, and knew exactly what was going on. He had quit with me weeks prior, yet couldn't-wouldn't-remain smoke-free. He works outdoors daily, and people smoke around him constantly. This is no excuse, but indeed it was a trigger for him, and for me.
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And Now...
The reason that I quit smoking initially was to have total hip replacement surgery which required me to be 6 weeks tobacco-free. My oxygen levels were fabulous and I healed quite quickly. Numerous physicians and psychologists visited my hospital room to discuss my history of smoking, most of them amazed at my ability to do such a thing. I was praised and enjoyed this thoroughly, who wouldn't? All the attention was addicting in itself, but didn't last long.
http://hubpages.com/hub/A-Survivors-Guide-to-Total-Hip-Replacement
Now I am faced with the same surgery in February of 2010. The other hip is in poor shape, and I must quit these damned things once more.
What's Different?
In June of this year, I believe I quit with the help of a power within myself. An internal strength, if you will, that came into play one fine day at 5 o'clock in the morning. It was all so very surreal: I simply began putting away ashtrays, cigarettes, lighters, matches and the like in my garage and did not smoke again for 3 months. It was amazing. I had never been a light smoker, I smoked like that veritable chimney folks talk about.
Now in all my time in the rooms of AA, I have heard and considered the conception of a Higher Power, but I remain agnostic in my views. And so today it is incumbent upon me to summon this inner strength once again-consciously. I believe that unlike the first time, I must display the determination to quit this vile habit. I further do not intend to endure the panic attacks I suffered in June, rather, given the nature of planning this life-changing process, I have taken certain steps to ensure success.
The Countdown
Many things are different this time in my effort to quit smoking, the most important being my husband's new attitude toward his own health. He admits that he felt that quitting was of minimal consequence to him before-until he began again. He is now horrified at the racking coughs we both expel every single morning, and I do not doubt his change of heart. He has a plan in place to put "No Smoking" signs around his workplace, so that those triggers are no longer in his face.
I began taking a medication called Wellbutrin which theoretically reduces the urge to smoke. I was uneasy beginning this drug, however I am determined and have spoken to a number of pharmacists who swear by its effectiveness. It's been one week now, and I do in fact 'forget' to smoke occasionally. We shall see.
Another step my husband and I have taken is to set a 'quit date,' one that meets my 6 week surgery requirement. What else? January 1, 2010.
Finally, thanks so much for reading this tome, for I needed to get it-and cigarettes-out of my system.
CommentsLoading...
Don't beat yourself up. Quitting smoking is a process that includes some failures. If you consider yourself a failure you won't have the courage to try to quit again. Just keep on quitting and eventually it will stick.
Congratulations on the 3 months!
Good luck in January
Thanks Hmrjmr1 and Curious Jen, I am so determined it hurts. In a good way!
You can do it lorlie! I agree with Curious Jen. Sometimes it takes baby steps and a pending operation:) I'm tempted to recommend e-cigs, but from reading your hubs, I think you and your husband are strong enough to get off the whole hand to mouth habit altogether. Visualization helps too!.. but you already know that.
Oh, Green Lotus, it means so much to hear these votes of confidence from fellow hubbers!
Thanks, and I'll check out the e-cigs as well.
great hub Lorlie as always and good luck girlfriend, xo
Thanks, lyrics, you're the best!
I've ridden that same roller coater, lorlie. I wish you stength in this. Good luck!
Thank you, suziecat7, I have to do this thing whether I want to or not, you know?
And I DO!
Adding my best wishes-- I know it must be unbelievably difficult-- but if you must have a substitute addiction, let it be HubPages.
That's a fabulous idea, Rochelle-I think I will!
I think I will also try Wellbutrin. Thanks for the info. I just can't stop my urge in smoking. I think I have to take this medication soon before it's too late. When will I stop smoking, when I am diagnosed with cancer? Again, thanks for the info. You really inspired me to do the same.
Goodluck!
Best of luck, Lorlie-if you did it before ,you will do it again.
Beth-Unbelievably I woke up this morning feeling that I had a choice!!!! I didn't smoke for around 1/2 hour-which is an eternity for me. I actually thought about quitting this morning, but I'm going to stick to the plan. I sure hope you do, too!
Itakins-Bless your heart. I KNOW I can...
Good luck Laurel. I was lucky enough to be able to quit smoking the same day that I quit drinking (for me, they went hand-in-hand.) But I do recall making several attempts at quitting prior to that...it's not easy!
Thanks so much, Wendi-I'm in a position that there's no choice, and you are a hero for giving them both up at the same time!
I'm working on this, too, with the help of my Ecigarette. It's tough, ain't it??
No kidding...Are those working?
Don't feel so bad - I quit once for five years and then started back up. I now have been a non-smoker for twelve years. Good luck - I'm cheering for you!!!
I bow to you, Patti Ann!
I never liked smoking, and I literally run away from smokers. I know that is dramatic, but the smoke hurts burns my lungs and throat. If it makes a bystander that sick, I am sure smoking these cannot be good. I have noticed many people smoke to avoid over eating, but I think it would be better to treat yourself to a brownie once and awhile or something. I hope you have success :).
You are so right, Sweetie Pie, and I wish I had never started. I appreciate your words of encouragement.
Good Luck Lorlie - I too have quit before using Wellbutrin - also lasted three months and then I lost my Mom and my job within a week and the stress got to me and I started again. I have now started smoking electronic cigarettes but in the New Year will be with you trying to give up with Wellbutrin to help me. Thinking of you - We can do it!
I am so sorry to hear of your losses, and all the stress. Nothing like those sorts of things to get one smoking again. But I am so happy that we will both be using the Wellbutrin together!
I'll keep in touch!
oF COURSE you are so familiar with the concept of co-dependency and how hard it is to quit "together" or to hang out with the same people that reinforce your habits and actually make it - keep trying lorlie - you know I don't buy cigs anymore, but I occasionally smoke one of my friends- I have no idea where this will lead. I cannot smoke in my home for many reasons so that helps - and really I feel sick whenever I give in to it. But it is so much harder than booze was - so I'm with you. Good luck and keep us posted!
Good luck my friend. I do not smoke but hear that it is one of the hardest things to quit.
You just let that internal strength of yours stomp out that nasty cigarette!!! Good luck and take care!
Thanks, Citrus000, I appreciate the pep-talk...only one more week!!!!
Your welcome, and good luck!!!
Take a moment and read your hub again Lorie, look over what you have beaten up on in the past and this is just another obsticle. You can do what ever you set your mind upon.
Will be praying for peace as you begin the journey.
Blessings
I appreciate your comment, Quill, and I will look over it again.
Hope you can keep up and not get hooked again. I will be sending you thoughts to help you! I stopped in 1975 (can you believe that?) by just stopping "cold turkey" as it were. It was not easy but I have never regretted for one moment stopping. Here's to your strength, dear lady!
Love and peace
Tony
Good luck Lorlie and don't forget that if you let Lela Bryan help you with her course you will find it easy, I did!
Good Luck! I'm going to givem up this weekend myself.
tonymac-that's amazing to hear and thanks for the support!
mistyhorizon-I was in on the 'conference call' last nite, and loved it.
C.J.-I'll be sending you all the strength that I can muster!!!
Excellent news Lorlie, keep me up to speed on how you get on. Are you going to do the full course now you enjoyed the "taster" session??
I think so, although I have a surgery date coming up soon, so I should quit sooner. I've spoken to Lela about this and we are going to speak further today.
Thanks so much for leading me in her direction!
She is great, if you take her course you won't regret it I promise :)
I know where you are coming from, been there myself, still there. Wishing and praying for you
Thanks, misty and jayjay, I am in this thing for good!
I have every sympathy! I hardly drink and loath drugs but smoke despite all the logic to the contrary. Perhaps with New Year coming up it will galvanise us all to try a bit harder...
Thank you so much, Nicks...smoking is absurd, but I'm determined.
Hi there, good for you.
Hey lorlie, quitting cigarettes is a piece of cake, you already did it so many times.:)
I have been smoking for more years than I care to count... I never really considered quitting, but I did make some changes after the Federal Government raised the taxes on Tobacco this last time... I started growing my own tobacco !!! I wrote an article about it back in August that discusses the reasons I feel the government helped to creat a society of addicts if anyone cares to read it... http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2097295/r
Don't be ashamed if you have fallen into the same addictive trap so many of us have. Without addicts like us, we couldn't fund the wars all around the world...
You're absolutely right about that inner strength. I smoked 3 packs a day for many years. I also "quit" several times a year. Sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for a day, but never successfully until one day something just "clicked". To this day I still don't know what it was. I quit cold turkey. I spent 3 days just sitting on my couch watching television - or rather staring at the television. The first two weeks were a blur but somehow I made it through, and I know you will too - when you want it bad enough. And that's the key - when you want it bad enough. No judgment involved at all - just simple truth. When you want it bad enough you'll do it, and you'll do it forever. You won't need impending surgery to motivate you.
I've been "smoke free" for over 20 years now, and I've never looked back.
You can do it...you WILL do it. When you're ready. Only when you're really ready.
VERY BEST WISHES for you.
Yes, very best wishes to you.
I'm sure you've probably heard all the stories, but as I write this I am at the ER with my father who has lung cancer among other kinds. He used to smoke. I am the beneficiary of his second-hand smoke.
May you have decisive success.
Steppeno, Thanks for the referral-I'll check it out.
R W, Wow, 20 years. I am in awe of your story, and thank you so much for telling me of your experience. I want it. I really do. I'll keep you up to date.
RTalloni-My heart goes out to you as the victim of such a horrid addiction. Thank you for taking the time to write.
How have you been doing lately? I commend you for trying to quit :).
I am also fighting the urge to smoke. As I type, I am having a nicotine headache! All I can say is take one day at a time. Don't think of the six weeks all at once, it becomes overwhelming. I keep telling myself, if I can make myself smoke, I can make myself quit! GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!!
What an awesome start to the New Year, Sweetie Pie-I'm doing well so far, haven't smoked since midnight last night.
Soulpurpose78-Good energy to you in your attempts, too-it can become overwhelming and quite agonizing, but I try to remember to breathe deeply. That does seem to help!
hi lorlie, I wish this year it will go soon and I hope your okay with your surgery already? Thank you for commenting on my New Years hub and wishes, Best and hope all your other wishes shall be given to you too, Thank you, Maita
Thanks so much, PDH, I appreciate your well wishes. Your words mean an awful lot to me!
Good Luck!!! I used Wellbutrin and it worked wonders, in fact it was the ONLY thing that helped me quit. Too bad I went back to my old ways 6 months later....just because we had moved and I wanted to sit on the porch in the summer and have a smoke. Makes no sense now, but at the time it seemed logical. You can do it!!!! Show 'em what you got.
Thanks so much, Jen! I appreciate your words...
Good luck!
As a matter of interest, my husband was a 30-a-day smoker for some 30 years and it's interesting how he stopped. From his experience, he said, smokers don't like to do any running, so he took up running. Every day he went out until he was able to run a couple of miles without stopping. He said it nearly killed him and took him a couple of months to reach his goal. Later, he moved the goal posts and aimed to run a half-marathon. Needless to say, he got there, running his first half in one hour and 52 minutes - his goal was to break 2 hours. His last smoke was on 3 September 1985. He says the urge to smoke crops up now and again, but he just tells himself he is an addict and dare not even light up one cigarette otherwise he will start again.
Judith-that is one inspiring story. I thank you for sharing it with me.
I'm behind you 100% Lorlie, of course you already know that from our emails lol but still behind you 100%. Now give me that pack so I can crush them. :-D Good luck chica! I know that you can do it!
all the best for new yar
To all my dear friends at HP and beyond...I was not successful in my quit on New Year's Day but intend to keep trying-my hubby Anthony is now 4 days smoke-free, so 'he's the MAN' and I feel that pressure, if you get my meaning. I only smoke in the cold, creepy garage, and am smoking less than 1/2 of what I did before. Please take a look at this link:
http://hubpages.com/hub/My-Dearest-Mama
That's what I was feeling about this 'failure' yesterday.
Love Y'all,
Laurel
Don't ever give up....day by day, inch by inch...... You said it feels different this time so this is the year for you. As a nonsmoker I am not a likely person to be giving advice in this area but I have suffered personal loss due to smoking. It sounds like you are well versed in dealing with addiction and have a powerful inner strength to help you. With the support of your husband and a positive environment you will get there. Don't let stress get the better of you. I wish you much success.
I've tried just about every method there is out there and there is only one I can recommend - NLP! It eliminates the cravings.
Gum patches and all the other just did not cut it for me, not to mention cold turkey which was the hardest, I even tried the electric cig and it is just no match to the real thing.
Check out this article: http://quit-smoking-today.bestof-the-net.com/
it’s the one that got me off the cigs and smoke free for GOOD even without gaining weight! :)
Good luck kicking the habit!
J.
You can do it lorlie, I have confidence in you. You see, my mother quit a two pack a day habit once and for all after many attempts, after smoking for over 60 years, at the age of 80. So with determination, I'm certain you will beat it too, you've beat worse habits. Yeah, yeah, rah, rah, go, lorlie.
Thanks, and I'll bet you'd look great in one of those little dresses waving pompoms. :o)
I just wanted to wish you luck and encourage you to hang in there in the tough moments that come up. I quit just 4 weeks ago, and am determined to stay quit this time! It is so hard, but this is the strongest I have ever felt after quiting. I've smoked a pack a day (a little less at times) on and off for (ugh) 20 years.
I hope you are doing well and feel great about quitting!
CONGRATS, amy jane-that's fabulous. I really appreciate your encouragement!
There are many case of people who success quitting from smoke. I believe you can do that. As non smoker person I support you 100%. I hope you getting well and become healthy person, who free from smoke. thanks
There are many case of people who success quitting from smoke. I believe you can do that. As non smoker person I support you 100%. I hope you getting well and become healthy person, who free from smoke. thanks
I need all the incentive possible to quit forever. I'm getting there..lol
prasetio30-thank you for all of your support!
blondepoet-I'm not there yet myself, I wasn't able to keep the resolution. It's the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. All the best to you in your efforts!
lorlie6,
Great hub, thanks for sharing your journey with trying to quit smoking cigarettes. I too am trying to quit and it is one of the hardest things I have had to do. It's quite annoying actually. Keep on trying you will succeed!!!! I am a fan!
Thanks so much, Info Help! 'They' say quitting smoking is far harder than quitting heroin, and I believe them! My Jan. 1st resolution lasted about 18 hours, but I'm trying to cut back, at least.
All the best in your efforts, and I do get what you mean about the annoying thing. :)
Good Luck. I hope you can.
Thanks, mdlawyer, me too!
How are you with this lorlie? Hanging tough?
I switched to the e-cig last week. Not to quit, but to save money.
I am still smoking three or four cigs a day but that is purely from habit. As soon as I light one up, I don't want it LOL. It is heavy and harsh compared to the e-cig, even though it is the same brand I have been smoking for a good 20 years.
Keep away at it! You're a strong person. :)
Thanks, wyanjen, I am hanging poorly. I did go to my local smoke shop and ask about E-cigs-they don't carry them. I've been considering going on the Internet to find some. Which 'brand' do you recommend?
Hope you read this, and if not, I'll email you.
I use e-cigarette brand. KCC Big Country has a hub as does yoshi97 and gamergirl.
I found one by googling "e-cig"
Always best wishing my friend
Peace
Jen
Good to read about how you quit smoking. One of these days...I keep telling myself. It's a foolish, stupid habit.
Hey, Dolores-it didn't work. But since I need the surgery, I'll HAVE to do it. So, on with the show.
Is it my imagination, or do writers smoke more than the average bear? :)
I'll probably write another hub about my next try...we shall see.
Thanks for stopping by-
Laurel
lorlie- great hub. . really makes me think how i wish i wanted to quit , ,did that make sense?? I know i should quit. . and i know all the reasons why but somehow I just cant get myself to WANT to. But maybe if I keep reading things on it (like this excellent) hub I will want to.
All the same it was a great informative Hub and I think I need to come back here. . often!!
Wavegirl-I know EXACTLY what you mean! That's the predicament I find myself in now-I have to quit for surgery to take place, but I do not want to quit. I love smoking. It is my peace and calmness.
I try to pay attention to ads on TV for Chantix and the rest, and I get in the mood, sort of, but when it comes down to it, I am damned addicted.
Thanks for your comment-got me thinking!
Laurel
Lorie,
Ben there, done that, with smoking and alcohol. It took me about 15 times to finally quit smoking. I often suffere from the smokers hack every morning, and wondering stupid I can be. I finally succeded in quiting by telling myself to get serious, this is the last time-do it or don't' fortunately I did. I became an alcoholic while in military service. I experienced a blessing by discovering I had a heart problem, that made me consider what is more important, longevity or my intoxicating habit. I understand and commend you on your efforts to change. I sense you have the ability to make it happen, good luck. My wife smokes, however my remembering my problems. I give her all the love and space she needs to make that change, I'm confident she will at her own pace.
Ronnie
Thanks, Ronnie. I've got almost 2 years of sobriety under my belt, but smoking is my constant nemesis. Right now I'm in the process of really quitting once again; my oxygen saturations have been seriously low and I am scheduled for surgery mid-May.
The oxygen situation has me scared, which is a good thing.
I must quit for the surgery, anyway.
Thanks for your story.
I'm sending good thoughts to your wife. I commend you for letting her quit at her own time.
Laurel
Laurel,
I will be praying for you and your husband.
Bill
Hi Bill-thanks for your prayers.
lorlie, What a powerful journey, very touching and moving indeed. I feel motivated to do something myself. I don't smoke but this just flat out motivates. This is a powerful peice that I know will help many. My most positive thoughts are with you. P.S. My Mom swears by putting a half teaspoon of cream of tartar in a glass of orange juice to help kill the cravings. Swears by it! Thanks and Peace :)
Hmm, never heard that one! I am doing great so far, it's my 8th day without even one puff!
Thanks for the motivation comments-unfortunately I didn't quit, so I didn't motivate myself enough!
This time I did it with Chantix, which I've heard horror stories about-but it is working for me!
Thanks for coming by!
lorlie6 Hello. You are a beautiful, gifted writer. Your words flow and are alive and fresh. I love the humor you mix with your humility. Very nice style
I quit the smokes for 8 years then started again. I smoked for 5 years. I am now smoke free hmm 180 days. I am eternally grateful. I feel so much better. I love it. In hindsight I was not ready to surrender the first go around.
When I finally surrendered them to God, he took them along with the craving. He is so amazing and awesome.
I too am sober for many years. I went to AA for many years. I go to Recovery in Christ now. I love the AA the rooms, It was there I discoverd who God was. Today I have a personal relationship with Him. I am so Blessed.
I see you wrote this 6 weeks ago. On your last comment you had 8 days no smoke. Great Job. Awesome. I am praying for you. Keep on one day at a time. God could and would if he were sought!
Many Blessings.
Hi skye2day! Thanks so much for coming by. Actually, I wrote this around 5 months ago and still haven't been able to give the danged things up.
180 days is Godsent, that's for sure-I'm so happy for you. I gave my alcoholism to God on June 24th 2008 and at least that has been relatively easy for me-with God and prayer.
Cigarettes are so much harder for me.
One of these days!
Bless you!
Thank you so much, chiane20! I'll be checking out the site right away...and you!
Quitting Cigarette is not easy my best friend used to smoke and he tried so hard to quit but it never went well. But i kept pushing him and convincing him that smoking is really bad and you should stop it, its gonna destroy your life. It finally worked and i motivated him enough to quit it again and its been 2 months now and he hasn't smoked yet. So if any one is trying to quit smoking i have something to say to them; You Can Do IT !!
Thanks so much for your encouragement, Gomet! Your friend is truly blessed with a friend like you.
No lucky strike when one is addicted, but one Wins-tons when they quit. If they can escape the borough of Marl, and just be kool in other ways, they might wind up in a new port, where fresh air is a daily blessing, and life
is much more than a silly millimeter longer. Hope you succeed.~~~MfB III
Thanks for the laughs, MFB III!
I just quit today. How do you not eat your brains out? lol
CONGRATULATIONS, Granny's House-as my mother used to say, "Grin and bear it, dear!" Grrr, horrible words, but actually pretty good advice!
All my best!!
I like people that are honest and ready to tell of the hard darkness associated with some bad habits. Please do not beat yourself up anymore - the best way to deal with an addiction is One step at a time And One day at a time. I was able to quit years ago - you have to do what's right for you.
Thanks, TheSenior, for commenting. Addiction is such a fierce mistress! I quit drinking alcohol 2 1/2 years ago, and understand One Day at a Time very, very well! Praying daily helps me not beat myself up, and words from others-like you-are balm for the soul.
Again, thanks for coming by!
Your struggles touched me deeply. I believe in you.
Thanks so much, marisuewrites! I try to believe in myself, too, but it's not always easy...I thank you for such kind words.
Thanks again!
I think that quitting out of necessity is the hardest thing. I recently quit smoking myself. I had only been smoking every day for a little over a year though, so I can't take too much credit for breaking the habit. My mother has been smoking for over 30 years, and has had a heart attack, and stroke, that the doctor diagnosed as both being smoke related. It's hard to understand when after such a life threatening experience that some still can't quit. All I can say is that addiction is one of the strongest things known to man. Stronger than steel, rock, or anything else that any of us ever have to endure. I know that you can do it Lorlie. It's never easy, but us humans are capable of almost anything when we set our minds too it. It's just normal for it to be harder when we HAVE to do it. The psychological aspect of your situation isn't helping you at all! You CAN do it though! Good luck!!!
Thanks so much, brandonfan! It is the psychological aspect that's the hardest when it comes to quitting any addiction. I've been clean and sober for over 2 years now, and getting accustomed to this new life is not easy. But it is a far superior way of being!
The smoking is still my enemy, my nemesis, but I will succeed one day soon.
Congratulations on your success!
It's rough Lorlie! I just came by to say I love you Dear. Of course I did my chicken dance on your buttons while here! But I love this Lorlie, that is so precious! God bless you Girl!
You doll, Micky-thanx for the dance, I can FEEL it!
Hmrjmr1 Level 3 Commenter 2 years ago
Good Luck Lorlie You can Do It!!