How to Leave a Bad Marriage: My Locomotive Lullaby
78
Movement
She slid into the marriage craving the satin of his touch, the smooth and sensual cadence of his voice. It seemed a dream at the time, he so striking a man, she, so unsure. They began their dance without thought to the glaring differences between the two, letting the magic sweep them far, far away from what was truth.
He was a methodical man. He had a way with details which suited him to his work as a chemist. Such a promising future he had; the scientific community waited breathlessly for his newest bubbling brilliance. A superstar at work and at play. His classical guitar lulled her dark moments and she thought she knew love.
He was exotic, born in African Kampala, and oh, so very handsome, alluring. She was thrilled by his attentions; a man such as this had never entered her world. And so in many ways, over time, he took her into his.
Landscape
"This train is fun, Mama!"
She snapped back from once fond reveries and looked at her young son, the blonde child who inspired this escape. His 6 year term on earth had been severely flawed until now and she was determined to salvage what she could of his young soul, as well as her own. She gazed at his blue-green eyes as he spotted cattle and mountains, now rivers and prairies. Then, the boy slept, rocking now as he had not so long ago in the cradle.
She married the man with high hopes. He married her with expectations-conditions. Her wardrobe was comfortably shabby when they'd met; he dressed her to meet his standards. She complied, happy to be so adorned. She was a woman who could be shaped, and was.
Come Away With Me
The boy's father had begged her not to leave long before, but who was he to her now? An unfortunate part of her past, one lost to other women and drugs. She had divorced him cleanly and took possession of the child. And so she had left the sunny state with the scientist, confident that a new and glamorous life lay 2,000 miles to the East. He had convinced her to leave her animals, to sell her home, to come with him.
The only thing she did not abandon was her son. To the chemist's dismay, the child was to be endured if he wanted her. And so he grudgingly endured.
Signs
The woman battled with herself, knowing of his distaste for the boy. Yet, she was determined to make this marriage work. A new family unit, yes-possible and perfect in her mind. The three arrived and found themselves inhabiting a lovely, albeit large home on a sparkling lake. Oh, the newness of it all, she thought, how terribly ideal.
At first, the man seemed eager to be a good father to the child, often taking him fishing on the lake. She could see them from the kitchen window and prayed for a bonding to occur. Over the months his impatience began to show itself. The boy's toy fishing poles began appearing on the roof of the house. He explained that the boy was far too impatient when fishing, thus the man threw them there as punishment. She began to see an anger in the man she had not seen before.
Housekeeping
Perhaps his cruelty was warranted, she thought, but in the end she could not accept it. Her eyes had finally opened. There were other instances of abuse that she simply can't write of today, but suffice it to say that her boy was physically as well as emotionally abused.
So she began to drink. Blot it all out. Her attendance to homemaking chores suffered, and the man, disgusted, came home one day with the solution. He was a chemist, after all, and had access to chemicals that would help his wife perform to his standards.
Smooth as he had been when they'd met, he convinced her to give the powder a try. Such fun! And the energy. She forgot the bottle and relished in her new-found enthusiasm. The man was satisfied most days, some not. But she was gloriously happy no matter his mood-she would do better. She tried for a year, an eternity.
 | Amazon Price: $7.98 List Price: $16.00 |
 | Amazon Price: $6.93 List Price: $16.95 |
 | Amazon Price: $2.04 List Price: $15.00 |
The Leave-Taking
While watching the agonizingly slow car chase of O.J. Simpson, she woke up. Everything became clear in a similarly slow-motion fashion-her and her son's lives had been derailed by the man-and she had to admit, by her ridiculous fantasies. The next morning, she rose, saw the man off to work, and gathered her son. A pittance of belongings were taken, the rest would be sent for or sold. She bid a bitter adieu to the house and boarded the train.
The locomotive ride was soothing and she had time to reflect on her mistakes, her childish dreams. Here now, was her young boy, hopefully not damaged beyond repair-she would see to that.
Have you ever been trapped in a bad marriage?
See results without votingvote upvote downshareprintflag
- Useful (11)
- Funny
- Awesome (11)
- Beautiful (15)
- Interesting (1)
CommentsLoading...
yes, brilliant! You did such a fine job here, thank you so much for this wonderful caption of a life trapped then released in the action of waking up and moving out and away with precision! great read and greater advise in the story itself! ~aloha~
PS Are you still smoking to quit? or are you done now?! yea girl, i have not forgot and I am behind you 100%
@Faybe Bay-thank you! It took me about 3 months to regurgitate this tale, but some things take time to be revealed. Even to oneself.
@Sa ge-you're a doll for coming by-I really appreciate your words. I was awfully slow to wake up, but when I did-oh, my! I'm still smoking, though...soon, I'll wake up to that hopefully, too!
hey girl smoke all you want but smoke to quit not to kill yourself.. a little fast food packet of salt gotten free from a fast food place stuck in your cig pack, a grain on the tip of your tongue then smoke that cig. go girl go!
I remember your tip, gal-though I've yet to remember to do it! Just keep nagging me! ;) Just teasing, hon. I think my brain is far too overwhelmed these days with my dying doggie and impending grandmotherhood to think of quitting right now.
Brave writing, Lorie. Really well done. How's Birthday?
Thanks, S.J. Birthday's still good, I suppose, but he seems weaker-to be expected. Thanks so much for asking and coming by.
Gosh, Lorie...pretty agonizing, good dogs are family. Sick family makes anyone weary. Happy to read the hub, and get some sleep--just a guess.
You're right on all counts, hon.
An interesting read Lorlie. Its good you wrote about it.
Warmest Wishes, Elena.
This is a truly honest Hub. You've got a lot of guts. Thanks for sharing.
Wonderful captivating writing, great hub.
To thine own self be true.. Thanks for sharing! A child deserves a mother's love and attention. No man should take that away...
There come times in a woman’s life she will dare anything for the love of a man. And it is so sad – he never comes up to her expectations – she have to except him as he is or leave him. Oh, and when he can’t love her children... I can imagine the emotions you had to deal with. A woman can’t even handle any rudeness towards her children by their own father. I’m glad you got out of that marriage. I’m sending you a little hug for Birthday.
lorie, this was a moving Hub. Thank you for letting all of us know that although we convince ourselves this is Love, and make terrible decisions; it is not a prison sentence to be served to the end!! Way to go! Write On!
Brilliant writing - and it's really great how you told the whole story so wonderfully in such a short time. Finally, a defenceless child just has to take precedence, hasn't it?
This is brilliant and poignant for me. I struggled as a boy with a live in boyfriend my mother had who terrorized us especially my mother and drove her to drink. He was the meanest man we knew in our lives at the time. Even though he would take me fishing he had motives. And on more than one occasion exerted his force on me as a young boy.
My mother stuck it out with him only because she had no other resources to feed us kids, she needed his pay check to help out, even though he drank most of it away in the taverns and then we again paid with his drunken anger he brought home with him.
Breaking free is the best one can do if lucky to do so, many unfortunately can't and are stuck in a demeaning, brutal relationship and ultimately someone gets seriously mentally scarred and often killed. Peace and hugs.
Excellent, so many of us have taken this journey until we were able to board that locomotive and change our life---thanks for the read.
Like Saddlerider, my mom went through bad men like water and it was terrible to watch. I have always known she deserves so much better but here she is 40 some years later still married to the last in a long line of them and it is SO sad. She figures she doesn't have any other choices and I guess that that is the saddest thing of all. Great writing and so well put!
What a brilliant hub about one of life's situations that so many of people have to live through.
Lorie, This was an especially touching hub for me as I was in a horrible marriage and have not been willing or able to write about it at this time. I appreciate your courage in writing this hub and isn't in great that life is better now.
@Lady_E-I really appreciate your visit, Elena. It means a lot. Children must be protected at all costs.
@suziecat-sometimes I've been known to have guts-when it comes to my boy, I guess you're right!
@gypsy48-I appreciate the read, and your words.
@dallas-thank you so much for coming by-I'm so glad I left.
@Martie-how well you understand! The man was a nightmare-I still curse myself for taking that risk, though time has helped. I will never be duped again. Thanks for your hug for my Birthday-I'm going to give it to him right now! (Just did :))
@Lilly-Bless your heart for understanding this predicament I got myself into-and out of!!!
@Shalini-thank you. You are so right, my little boy was who mattered in the end.
@saddlerider-dear God. The piece about fishing must have hit a raw nerve for you, I am so sorry to bring that back to you. Yes, I was lucky to be able to escape-I can't imagine what you and your poor family must have gone through.
@Ginn-the locomotive saved our lives. Thanks for coming by.
@akirchner-my mom did, too, and I wonder if that was why I chose him. As I said in my comment to saddlerider, I was very lucky to be able to get away-I had the choice, or at least could see I had the choice. I'm sorry your mom is resigned to the situation.
@breakfastpop-so good to see you here! I guess it goes to show that we all make pretty poor decisions. At least I have!
Pamela-this hub sat in my unpublished file for weeks, maybe months. I don't know your story, but I found it especially difficult to admit to my part in the whole fiasco. I hope writing your story will help you gain 'closure' to the terrible marriage you have left behind! And YES, life is far better now!
Wow Lorlie...This hub just filled my imagination with visuals.I admire the way your writing flows...like a river...calm and comfortable,Exciting and Rapid,Such a great piece...Thank you for the escape of verbal Imagery...
Dean
Lorlie6,may God bless you richly for writing this very hard fact of life. There are many woman who are trapped in this kind of relationship and you are an inspiration to all. You are truly gifted with writing. It would surely be a captivating book. It is written with such depth and emotion. Great read and thank you for sharing.
Love and Hugs
Hey there, Dean. So glad to see you here. I appreciate your words so much! You are far too kind...but I like it! :)
Loves To Read-I certainly appreciate your comment! A book? Wow, that would be a trip! I don't really think I'm ready for that yet, but thanks for the visit.
Hi Lorlie. What a strong and beautifully crafted hub! The metaphors work superbly, and I experienced a real sense of relief when you roused yourself from the sinister lullaby that was oppressing your life and the life of your son. Thanks for such a courageous and superlatively written piece. Kindest regards, Kev.
That was brilliant lorlie6. I can feel some of what you went through. I will not say ALL because those of us who have been in similar circumstances will not always feel the same hurt or display the same emotion. I feel that 'WE' somehow take on the characteristics of a chameleon when we are in these circumsrances in that 'WE' blend into every landscape until the day comes that 'WE' find the strength to find 'ME' and from that day on we hold our heads up high proudly knowing that'WE'are going to win the day. From now on 'WE' will never allow ayone to hurt us in this way again becaue now 'WE' have self respect. We must learn to love ourselves first and then we find that people will treat us with the respect that we deserve. Well done lorlie6 on your hub and with what you've achieved. Lots of love and take care.
Hi Kevin-thanks for your comment! I'm glad I was able to convey those emotions-I can feel them still.
Eiddwen-you are so right, there are no absolutes, although I can see myself in every single characteristic you mentioned. I am blessed by some sort of essence-as perhaps we all are?-that is quite intent on survival and protection. Thanks for coming by.
Wonderful read and deeply moving. You are an inspiration to so many. :)XXX
So glad to see you here, Green Lotus! I do hope this tale can help other women comprehend that they can leave-and sometimes, must.
"she was a woman who could be shaped"....says so much in such a short few words...wonderful job lorlie.
Thank you DoorMattnomore-your username means more to me than ever!
:) your always very welcome.
Right back at ya, gal!
Laurel - a beautiful and moving Hub indeed! Your story is a sad one, a real one and one which seems to have worked out quite positivily in the end. Thanks so much for sharing this. It took some guts, I can guess.
I love the title!
Love and peace
Tony
Thanks Tony. This was a very difficult chapter in my life-and my son's. Thankfully we boarded that train!
I really like the landscape article in ur hub page thanks for sharing
I remember it like it was yesterday, kingkhan78. Thanks for the visit.
I'm glad you boarded that train. I started writing a tome but I knew I had to stop. I didn't want to write a hub today. Suffice to say- I lost my daughter. We speak. I send money. We call. We text. But I will never understand God's absence. I will abide by the Golden Rule. I will try to pay my dues as I go. I will try to do God's will. But nobody and nothing will explain this to me. There is no need for anyone to try. Ain't going to happen. God bless my Lady!
Lorlie, this is an amazing story. Sadly, it is a way of life for some. Very moving and thought provoking. I am overjoyed that you had the strength to see what was happening and decided to take action! It seems God has blessed you and I am overjoyed. Walk with Him. He will show you the way.
@Micky Dee-bless you for your adherence to the Golden Rule, it's more than a 'truism.' Thank you, I'm off that train now and loved the ride!
@Seakay-God is in my life; He certainly was that day! Thanks for stopping by.
What a beautifully written account! I'm glad I came across this Hub. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for visiting, kaltopsyd. I appreciate your words!
Nasty situation, glad you were able to escape. Very familiar with the alcohol and violence thing as I was the little boy with a younger brother.
"A woman who was easy to mold." Can't say that in my mothers case. Don't know. However, I do know a 'male' who flat told me he was looking for a woman who could be molded and married her. Yes, she remains a door mat. I can't say the 'male' is violent and he isn't an alky.
Trapped in a bad marriage? Nope. Been married once and it will soon be 30 years. I was looking for a lady with backbone and had no problem standing on her own two feet. I was looking for an equal partner.
I found one. Both daughters were brought up non-traditionally. They're smart, educated, independent, know their own mind, set and reach those goals. That scares the daylights out of a lot of guys and the other gals their age as they haven't a clue how to deal with them.
They're not the simpering type, nor are they interested in cliques and the like. They don't need a 'man to take care of them.' They've both great senses of humour and like to have fun. They think for themselves and look at the individual and not the 'label.'
I saw the lies and misery of the 'having to have a man to take care of you because a female can't take care of themself.'
Not my daughters!
My wife and I each had different strengths and that person would take lead in a discussion of things.
Sadly, several years after our marriage catastrophe struck and she had to pick up more and more of the load. Such remains to this day. She stays by choice, not obligation.
To the gracious lady who's daughter has an 'absence of God.' I understand your worry, but perhaps, suggesting a few things might help ease your mind and provide some things to consider.
First from the religious aspect:
"1 Thessalonians 5:18 (New King James Version)
18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
Please also consider Christian explanations such as; Divine Plan, Greater Good, and Its a Mystery. Of course, later she can return to the fold. Such is dependent on God's Will.
There's no way to tell, and it isn't any of my business, but if she sees/perceives your religion takes precedence over your humanity, that can be a difficulty {trying to tap dance and not step on any toes].
That said, she may have no reason to retain a belief in God. Such isn't unusual. How, or why, she reached that point {if she did} only she may know. If such is the case, it does not mean she's a bad person.
You raised her with love and the best possible care. That is all a parent/parents can do. After that, its up to them.
What a parent/parents can do is continue to love, support, and encourage them. That and metaphorically pick them up and dust them off when they crash and burn. Rejoice in their victories. :wave:
Stoneyy-thanks for such an amazing comment. I do have a God in my life who cares for me and led me to board that train.
Your daughters sound amazing-wonderful parenting does wonderful things, that's for certain.
I thank you for stopping by.
Hi Lorlie :)
Looks like I was successful with my 'tap dance.' Since I have "two-left feet"... (whew).
I do hope I was able to ease the other lady's pain.
I hope so, too!
i think so
Thanks for coming by.
Well done lorlie.
Thanks, rmcrayne-I appreciate your visit!
You know when your in good marriage when you see what a bad marriage is.
How true, drcris! I've been in a great one now so long it amazes me.
Thanks for coming by.
Wow, Lorlie.
I can respond to the content of the story or the rhythmn of the train. Trains play a big role in my family and in my life. My gradfather was killed while putting together a freight train. He was a brakeman. My Dad was 15. We have several generations of railroad men. The railroad literally changed the course of our family history. And not just in death, but all the "intersting" events related to the railroad for example, the men going out on a night run and the women staying "home" and partying, etc. etc.
And in YOUR case, you were able to ESCAPE to new life via the train. Wow! The railroad tracks weave in and out of our lives in so many ways.
I am in the midst of a separation. I can hardly believe it. My train ride in the relationship was more like a run away train ride. I kept thinking I could slow the train down. My wife, God bless her, suggested I just get off the train, which I didn't want to do, but now that I have, I have little desire to reboard it again. I am finding a TON of grief, but also PEACE.
Yes, I understand about your story sitting in a file somewhere till you are ready to share it with us, but thanks for sharing. I imagine there are people boarding "trains" as I write because of your blog! A little dramatic, I guess, but some truth there, right?
Thanks for sharing.
Vern
Well Vern, I've been a 'train fan' forever. I love watching the older freight cars go by-guessing their destinations...your family's history with trains is REALLY fascinating-write a hub about it, maybe?
Yes, this metaphor is a tad dramatic, but it does fit. I'm so sorry about your marriage, though you mention the peace you've found.
THAT'S what it's all about.
Lorlie, such emotional depth. What a wonderful use of words to convey such a powerful message. You obviously reached others through this well told story. I love the flow and presentation. You gave me an idea for something I have been working on. Thank you for sharing this piece. Awesome and Voted up~ Cheers!
Thanks so much, Mike, your comment means so much to me. I really appreciate writers who give their appraisal of the writing itself!
Thanks again.
Sweet and so sad. But ending with redemption and hope - yeah! Thanks for the touching story, L. I'm happy to leave the 6,000th comment on here.
Hahaha! I wish...wouldn't that blow my traffic into the cosmos!
Thanks Iggy, for reading.
Hey sweet Laurel, such a lovely take on a painful ride. One of my favorite lines is from a train song, The City of New Orleans, "and the sons of pullman porters and the sons of engineers ride their fathers' magic carpet made of steel. Mothers with their babes asleep are rocking to that gentle beat and the rhythm of the rails is all they hear."
Write more prose like this, it is magical. =:)
You've got me singing that song, Winsome! One of my very favorites, as it turns out. Bless your heart for such an encouraging comment.
Thanks again!
Arlo! Yeah, that's a good line.
Love Arlo Guthrie!
Hi lorlie I understand where your coming from I have been there and some times love blinds us to the truth. Some times we should listen to our children, but when the blinders come off we get out that's what counts. And by God's grace the children survive.
Thanks Sue, for your insightful comment. You are so right-the children need to be listened to, and we choose not to listen-it's a shame.
Thanks again for coming by!
wow, this is one of the best and most powerful hubs I have read, suffice it to say that tryingot get out is and getting out is one heck of a big step but once you do this... it makes you wonder why you didn't leave sooner.
It certainly makes me wonder today, Rebecca. It makes me sick. But I was starry-eyed and stupid. The man seemed to be what my family thought I needed. I used to be quite the obedient daughter...
Thanks for coming by, and I really appreciate the comment.
So beautifully written in the third person. My heart goes out to you and I admire your courage and your faith.
Thanks so much, Pamela. This was a hard hub to write, but I'm glad that I did.
Again, thanks.
Lorlie, I don't know how I missed this one , and everything has already been said , but more power to you and more than that peace and serenity. You are a strong woman , thats obvious.Stay well.
You're dear to leave me such a compliment, ahorseback! Strength is something I've only recently found in myself, though I may have displayed it at times before. Somehow we seem to stumble through if we're lucky!
See you later!
Oh MY! I found myself in the midst of a whirl wind romance! It happened so fast and before I knew it well I was trapped in a bad marriage.
Beware, often the most charming and amazing people have a polar opposite side showing only once they have you exactly where they want you. Scary but TRUE!
I wish people would realize the reality of the difficulty getting out of a bad marriage and how you can in fact find yourself trapped in one.
Divorce is constantly said to be to easy! I for one know it is not! We need to raise awareness of this honest fact and you are doing just that.
Thank YOU! Love and Peace :)
Thanks, katiem, and I apologize for not answering your comment in a timely manner!
This man was extremely charming and handsome, told me all the right things at the right times, I was pretty lost. My son saved me in essence.
Thanks again for stopping by!
Wow - totally "smooth" way to get the point across, Laurel!
Wait - I'm going back to read this again lol
Thanks, mythbuster! I get my point across any way I can! :)
Beautiful Hub. I hope the happy ending lasts and lasts.
Thank you, christopheranton. I do, too!
Thanks again.
Lorlie6, What courage it took to pen this engaging story. I couldn't stop reading once I started, needing so badly to know how it turned out. Great writing! The symbolism of the train and the journey to find your way out was priceless.
I'm glad this one made its way out of your unpublished file. This story need to be told and will no doubt help others who are trying to drum up the courage to leave abusive relationships. God Bless you today and always, friend.
Love from Peg
Bless you for noticing the symbolism, and thanks for the marvelous compliments.
My/my son's abusive relationships are far behind us now, and for that I am grateful.
God bless you, too, Peg. With love and grace to you,
Laurel
Hat off to you to write this Hub. Glad the story ended the way it did..many folks need to take courage and learn from your story.
Hey riverfish! Great to see you here!!! I hope more folks from Twitter come over, like you! I'm right, aren't I? Aren't you from Twitter?
If so or not, thanks for everything.
Thank you also for reading and coming by!
Laurel
Not from Twitter..just from HP..:)
Now I know! I tried to find your colored pencil tips and no go!
Dang, sorry!
L
Faybe Bay Level 1 Commenter 21 months ago
Lorlie, this is brilliant! I am so glad you wrote this! So many people have not been able to break away from that "fatally flawed" relationship. I was even stupid enough to go back, only to have to plan my escape again. God Bless you for sharing this much. I know how hard it was to write, but you have to know that this will go on to warn others and give them the strength to leave!