For the Love of "Birthday": The Final Days of a Dog
78
Our Babies
Birthday was born 15 years ago on my husband's birthday, thus his name.We also have "Friday," but that's another story.* My son was 7 years old when we adopted this cuddly and exuberant border collie mix and they fell in love instantly. A boy and his dog. Aaron and Birthday were a common sight here in our small town; they'd often go to the Owens River together-Aaron with his fishing pole, Birthday chasing the cows who cooled their hooves in the water. Mayberry indeed-what lovely memories these days provide.
*: Actually, here's a link to my familial zoo:
 | Amazon Price: $40.79 List Price: $40.95 |
 | Amazon Price: $7.19 List Price: $13.99 |
 | Amazon Price: $7.06 List Price: $16.99 |
Close Calls
I am writing today because I am fairly sure that I am watching our sweet Birthday's final days. He has battled long and hard against many serious conditions: seizures, a fully fused spine, and now, splenetic cancer. In November of 2008 he lost the use of his back legs, rendering him immobile. We learned through X-Rays that his spine was completely fused and the vet recommended euthanasia. We concurred and took him to be 'put down.' It was a terrible day and many photos were taken of our soon to be departed family member.
We were suitably prepared for the morbid event-the shovel was loaded along with our dog-as well as a marker for his grave. When we arrived at the veterinarian's office, we were surprised to see such a crowded waiting room-unhappy to have to wait endlessly to perform the inevitable, but also willing to enjoy a bit more time with Birthday.
A Miracle
The wait became intolerable, however, and Aaron asked, "Do you want to get out of here?" We said "Okay, let's go." I will never forget that moment, for as soon as we all stood, Birthday did, too. Some may call me a liar, but that's exactly what happened. We were dumbstruck and couldn't get out the door fast enough. We were in a sort of emotional suspended animation as we drove to our house, too aware of the 'near-miss.'
None of us expected the dog to fully recover, but he did. In the past few years, he has played, run, fetched and barked with joy. Birthday is one hell of a fighter.
 | Amazon Price: $3.85 List Price: $6.95 |
 | Amazon Price: $18.83 |
 | Amazon Price: $29.95 |
The Seizure Disorder
Three years before the event at the vet's office, Birthday began having severe epileptic seizures. His treatment has been given to him religiously; he receives 3 doses of Phenobarbital per day. Unfortunately, the seizures have never subsided-he 'goes down' during these episodes-as we have come to call it. He is unable to get up for 2 to 3 days and crawls from one room to another in search of our company. This dog always has managed to regain his strength within the couple of days he needs to recover and becomes the lovely animal we know and adore.
 | Amazon Price: $30.95 |
 | Amazon Price: $59.99 |
The Reality
Two weeks ago, Birthday began vomiting. Severely. I called the vet and she prescribed Belladonna to ease the stomach's urge to regurgitate, suspecting that he has cancer of the spleen. It isn't working. For the last week and a half I have been to see the doctor numerous times, pleading, I suppose, for another miracle. Yes, there are steps I can take, and yes, there is treatment for dogs with splenetic cancer. But is there a point at which I must let go?
The expense of the treatment alone is prohibitive. The pain to the dog would be considerable. So today, I choose to wait.
One Hard Day...
I love all of my creatures dearly and am finding myself at odds with reason. I realize that my Birthday is 15 years old now, losing most all his liquids and what rice and strained hamburger meat he can keep down. I believe I am operating on the assumption that since we came so desperately close to losing him two years ago, My magical thinking is at work. I am not yet willing to give up...yet. I think they call that 'denial.'
I've asked the vet over and over if he is in any kind of pain, and she assures me that this sort of cancer is not agonizing. She points out that he's uncomfortable as a human would be when vomiting excessively. Nothing more. And then she tells me, "You'll just know."
Today has been particularly difficult because he once again 'went down' and has been whining most of the day. He is not comfortable. I am beginning to understand, though I don't want to.
I hope with all of my heart that I don't have to 'put him to sleep;' I pray that he will die one night while sleeping. Don't we wish this for all our loved ones? But I am faced with such a terrible situation; I must be able to make the decision. I have the power of God, and I don't want it, one bit.
The Final Chapter
Birthday was 'put to sleep' today, August 24, 2010. There was no longer any light in his eyes-it was clearly time for us to let him go. However painful this was for us as a family, the decision to euthanize him was a humane one. We are in a state of shock, all of us, for we have just lost a member of our family. Time will heal us, and Birthday, may you rest in peace.
For a compassionate view of this process, see:
- How to Know When It\'s Time to Put Your Pet to Sleep (saying Goodbye Is Hard to Do) | eHow.com
How to Know When It's Time to Put Your Pet to Sleep (saying Goodbye Is Hard to Do). Euthanasia of a beloved pet who is old or in pain can be a difficult choice and is an individual one. It is never an easy decision to put your beloved pet to sleep. A
Have you ever put a pet down?
See results without votingOther Animal Related Articles by this Author
- And Now We are Four...More or Less
Back in May of 2008, my husband, Anthony, and I proudly sent our 20 year old son, Aaron, off to Universal Technical Institute to pursue his automotive passion. It was difficult at first, for he is our only... - Letting Go...and Getting Back
Since my beloved cat, Rocky, came back into my life only 2 days ago, it got me thinking about loss and 'letting go.' After a 2 1/2 week absence, I had come to the conclusion that he had perished. He is 15... - The Death of a Legend
You would have never expected such an unlikely pair. One black dachshund, one orange chow mix. Pals since I can remember. The first time I saw this duo, I was driving through the local Indian reservation...
vote upvote downshareprintflag
- Useful (5)
- Funny
- Awesome (5)
- Beautiful (15)
- Interesting
CommentsLoading...
Thanks ahorseback. Thank you for such a quick comment. Oh dear, my last 2 hubs have been bummers, but I guess that's part of life.
Take care.
Hi lorlie6. It was so sad to read your poignant and heartfelt hub. Wishing you lots of strength. Kindest regards, Kev.
Thank you Kev. Well, he's snoring now, which is a good sign. I guess I just needed to write this down.
Thanks for reading.
Lorie, I am so sorry you are experiencing the end of Birthday's life. Our pets are members of our family and I have much grief when I lose one, so I understand the pain. I loved the story of the miracle that allowed more years with Birthday. I wish you the best.
Thanks so much for your kindness, Pamela. Hubbers are amazing people to be so supportive when we need to write our pain.
I appreciate your visit.
Dogs are an extension of family. My little rat terrier is such a big part of our lives and now my children's life. So sorry your going through this.
Thanks, drcris. Birthday's been a part of the family almost as long as my son. It's so hard! :(
While reading a tear came to my eye. it's hard to watch anything you love go down hill. My animals are a joy and i truly love them and it's allways heart breaking when they go. i know it's not easy for you to say good bye and i'm sorry for the loss that i know you will be facing soon :'(
Thank you so very much, Doggie Devotee. I'm not sure he's going to make it through the weekend. Your sweet words help at this rough time.
Lorlie6 – I feel sad for you. This is why I have decided not to keep pets any more. I just can’t handle their deaths. My grandchildren are now my beloved pets. Once upon a time I watched and prayed over a (very clever) dying little Skipper. Then miracle – he vomited a rubber ball and the next they he was UP and about. He was my favorite and eventually killed by a car! May Birthday be happy and without pain until he leaves you.
Lorie, such a cute name for your dog. He sounds like a sweetie, and this sounds very, very painful for you. Hope you find some peace here, and I hope he is not in pain. Pain can make you, as you said, "at odds with reason." I still chuckle at my friend's story that she was at the vet with her 16 year old cat, and when the vet tried to mercifully tell her it was time to let go, by quoting her a 17 thousand dollar vet bill to save her cat (and it might not work), she called her dad crying to see if he'd pay it. He declined, and today she laughs about it but sometimes it just hurts so much to lose what you love, you just can not think straight.
@MartieCoestser-I really understand your decision. But our home will always be filled with creatures, we know that. Your choice is quite possibly the more rational one, since this thing is killing me. Poor Skipper-what a cruel joke.
@S.J.-and you always talk about being quite insane! :) That story is one I can relate to, a lot, and wish there was someone here to tell me what to do! Actually, as the hours go by, I think I'm getting it.
Hang in there lorlie, and trust that whatever happens is intended to.
Oh, so sad. So sad for you. This is a terrible day today - so sad all day (for my own reasons I can't talk about) but I know how you feel and want to give you a hug and say you will know what is the right thing to do if you just sit with Birthday for awhile - he'll tell you in his own gentle way. It is such a personal decision, no one else can tell you what to do. Remember to remember all the great times this dog has given you and that he has had many good years, so celebrate that you all have known each other. love to you - meg
I really apprreciate your hanging on. We are so often into letting go that we forget that before you can let go, you must hang on and really really hang on. HANG ON. It is the only way that letting go makes any sense otherwise it is not letting go at all. Stop fighting yourself. Either Birthday will go on his own or you will know when it is time to assist her in dying. There will not be any doubt. It will be clear just as it was before, to get the heck out of that waiting room. What a wonder-filled Dog.
AND, how dare you judge your hubs as bummers! No way, STOP that. They are absolutely perfect. How else could they be?
Vern
So sorry, Laurel. I've been there, and it's tough. Do what's best for Birthday. I'll be thinking about you!
lorie, thank you...a woman I know has cats that are nearing 20, the vet has 'cursed' them and sentanced them to death each annual check up for the last 5 years. The Love that flows from a Mom's hands to any creature, contains healing. Praying for Best Birthday Wishes! Great Hub.
Thank Goodness for the reprieve given to your family by your son's strength to stand and say, "do we want to get out of here?" It gave you more precious time with this loyal friend. Wonderful hub! Death is a process which has meaning, to cut that process short for a person or an animal is to take away a Gift from God for those that survive and the one passing over.
Lorie,
Your writing is phenominal, I could feel your sensations just by reading about what you went through. We have had dogs and cats for most of our mariage, going on 40 years. We have had to put down a 22 and 20 year old cats, and an 18 year old dog in that time span-we felt we were losing a family soul. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Ps, I just finished reading a book, Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin. It's about an American building schools in Pakastan and Afganistan.
When I finished reading it, I realized building schools was better than building weapons.
Ronnie
Greetings all, an update: Per doctor's advice, I put Birthday on a 24 hour fast-this has seemed to help. He has not vomited at all but is weak. So it's back to hamburger and rice in small quantities throughout the day-and ice chips. Thanks everyone, for your wonderful support.
I have been through this and I know how you feel. You have my sympathy ...
@Feline Prophet-I must trust in that. Thanks for coming by.
@mega1-thanks for the hug, hon. I've been giving him lots of them too, remembering the good times!
@Vern-Birthday's doing pretty well today after his fast-no vomiting, etc. You're right, too, I am holding on as long as is humane.
@habee-thanks for your words, girl-they mean the world to me.
@Lilly-my vet is very kind and is not willing to put an animal down until the human is ready to let go. This human is not ready yet, but when Birthday is ready, I will know.
@sarmack-that 2 years has meant the world to this family! Waiting and being perceptive to God's will is my aim.
@Ronnie-they are family souls when they live so very long-it's an amazing grieving process. And you're very right-schools are far better than bombs.
@De Greek-thanks, I think all pet lovers have to face this awful decision.
Every "case" is different. One loves their pet and never wants to let go... It is almost impossible to know what the "pet" wants, or what is in their "best" interest... A difficult situation. Logic does not help...
You are right, dallas-sometimes it's impossible to know. I think Birthday is going to be one of those difficult 'cases,' because one day he is up and full of energy, the next, he's 'down.' Today he seems to be feeling better...
Thanks for the visit.
lorlie6 - it's so tough, but you will know. Somehow, they let you know when it's time. Hugs - I know how hard it can be!
Shalini-thanks. I wrote this while almost certain he wouldn't make it through the weekend. Here it is Monday morning and he's up and quite happy.
This dog is a wonderful puzzle-I'm so glad I chose to stop the cycle of vomiting with a 24 hour fast.
Your hub moved me more than words can say.
Thanks, Bpop. I must say I'm at my wit's end with this situation.
Thanks again for stopping by.
Please keep us informed!!
So sorry for your painful and agonizing situation. I have never "put down" a pet, although I have never been in a situation without hope. I am glad you have turned to natural healing methods for many reasons too numerous to explain. Nevertheless, I know you're enduring a tough time as is Birthday. I wish you both strength and to you and your family, continued compassion.
I feel so bad for you - I had to put Kodi down last May and think part of my heart fractured and died although I have put down other dogs before. He had Addison's disease and had lived 5 more years than they thought he ever would. He was my miracle dog.
Then there was Molly with the golden legs - grade IV hip dysplasia at 6 months old and hip replacement surgery - she lived to be 14. They wanted us to put her down at 6 months but I couldn't do it.
It makes me cry for you and for Birthday - sad, sad thing you have to face when they get sick. Kodi was our 4th dog that we've had to put down and I absolutely hate it. Kodi collapsed very suddenly and they think he actually had cancer. Until his last few days, he had been wrestling with Denaya and acting as normally as he usually did although he was so thin.
I'll say my doggie prayers for you all - I know how hard all this is and I can only wish you peace. I did not want to put Kodi down and wanted to keep trying to keep him with us but when he collapsed, I knew it was time. I'm sure you guys will know too. I figure it is the least I can do for them to ease their pain and thank them for all those wonderful, wonderful memories and years. But - all that said - it is the worst of the worst things I have ever done in my lifetime and I'm not very good at letting go or saying goodbye. Hugs!!! For both you and Birthday.
@habee-I will, pinky-promise.
@Green Lotus-thank you, sweet friend-I hope you never have to be in this 'God position.' I suppose it's a kind of listening to the dog and your intuitive heart-knowledge of him that must be in tandem. I appreciate your words.
@akirchner-oh Audrey, you do know. Thanks for your comment-I don't feel so alone in this. I think I'm the one hold-out in the family and that's a bizarre position, you know? The hardest thing is he is happy and up one day and down and miserable the next. I think it's getting closer, that horrible decision.
I am very sorry to hear that your Birthday is going through this awful time. I believe that he gave you his best years and even stuck it out when he got up at the Vet's to all your surprise and was able to go back home with you.
This time sounds like it's much less promising. He is in our makers hands now Laurel and I fully understand the pain you and your family must be feeling. I know you are doing the right thing and I know that Birthday knows as well. I pray that he does go gently into the night in his sleep and then your family can feel that you have done all you can and were there for your pet throughout.
I wish you and your family well and I send out a prayer to Birthday for being the caring loving pet he is and who brought much fun to all your lives. Peace and hugs from Saddle.
Thank you so much, Saddlerider. Your words are amazing and welcome, very welcome. He has been 'the favorite' as long as he's been with us, and that's probably why this is so very hard.
His fate is in God's hands now, I do know that and take some solace in it.
Thanks for your prayers, love, peace, and hugs-I need them all at the moment. I'll send them on to Birthday, too.
This is so rough lorlie. I've had animals love me when people didn't. I'm very sorry. I hope for a day when all our loved ones will remain with us.
So have I Micky. They're far better souls generally.
Thanks for coming by.
Sorry to hear about this - He is just like part of the family. Take one day at a time and make everyday precious for Him.
Take Care and Take Heart
Elena x
Keep us posted and again, so sorry you have to go through that. I said after Kodi died that I'd never get another dog (we had Denaya left of course) because I was so tired of going through this. It is such a hard decision and no matter how many times I whisper in their ears 'just go to sleep so I don't have to make horrible decisions' they just never did.
But lo and behold, enter Griffin the malamute - and I believe with all my heart almost every day that Kodi has come back to visit me. There is a look, there is a glimmer in the eye, there is a loaf of bread that disappears from my countertop or a bag of English muffins....there is a spot where Griffin lays that only Kodi laid in - and I know he's come back to tell me it's okay and that he is 'better' and not suffering anymore.
I have to believe that or it would break my heart again and I just am thankful for the days I have with Denaya and now Griffin the malamute....my little pride and joy. I don't know how they wrap our hearts up but they do - it's a gift and I have to remember that even through the bad and the worst of times.
Thinking about you and wishing you peace as well as Birthday. Hugs....
Oh, Lorlie, I am so sorry to hear about all this. I believe the walking miracle because I had a cat that "learned" to walk again after a spinal injury. Vets don't always know what our pets are capable of. Your Birthday is in God's hands, as are all of us. I hope he bounces back and that you have many more good days, and I pray that when his time does come, he goes in his sleep. Light a candle and pet him for me. Remind him what a good dog he is. God Bless you and your family. Remember, Birthday was lucky to have all of you, too. Not all animals get the blessing of having such a loving home.
@Elena-one day at a time is so apropos at the moment-today he's up and playing. It's miraculous one day and miserable the next. I think I prefer the former!
@akirchner-thanks so much for returning with that special story. You know, we have 2 elderly dogs-one is Birthday-who we know are not doing well. We want new carpet. Duh! But our lifestyle will always include animals. People may not find this house in Better Homes and Gardens, but they don't have to visit, now do they? :) We also have our Malamute who's 6, and 4 cats. We'll never change, and I imagine one day down the road we'll have to get a new rug, but not anytime soon!
PS: Griffin and Denaya are gorgeous-I love those videos.
@Faybe Bay-he is having a great day-and I know exactly what you mean about the walking thing, the vet wanted to put him down then: the fused spine and all. I will do exactly what you say, my sweet friend-a candle for him and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. He is a very gentle soul.
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this with your sweet Birthday. Having the people he loves near him can be very healing and comforting. Hugs to all of you.
Thanks so much, SilverGenes. He's such a special dog.
I appreciate your words.
They are very important members our famlies and I think what the said that 'you'll know' is very true. Take care.
Dear Lord, Eiddwen-I think today's the day. I just woke up and he's 'down' again. It's so early, I got on the computer to avoid thinking about this. Oh dear~thank you for coming by. I hope he gets up, I am grieving so...
I was coming back to check on birthday. sorry to learn the bad news. I'll be thinking about you and him all day today now.
Oh Holle, thanks for the visit. It's a very long story, but our family had a huge discussion-my husband and I were ready to put him down yesterday. My son came over and he convinced me to give him another chance. Poor hubby was dressed and ready to go, but I suppose the majority ruled.
Today Birthday is up, eating and drinking-happy as a clam. He came so close-yet again...
You're a dear for checking back.
Thanks.
Hi Lorie I felt your pain in this whole article and I know he is in a better place. YOu will always have him with you because of the memories and the lives he had touched.
Believe it or not, Sue, he's still here! He's back up playing and barking-all the usual stuff. We'll have to see how long this stretch of 'health' lasts.
Thanks for the visit, as usual!
I was interested to see how much you touched people with your posting, including myself. Our animal friends mean so much more than society realizes...and it hurts so much to lose them...euthanizing animals is so difficult, can you imagine what it would be like to have to choose it for a person? Makes me all the more convinced that its just wrong....for humans anyway...
Thanks, rlecce, for coming to read the hub. Boy, what an 'issue' euthanasia is. As I wrote this, I was thinking about that very thing. I really can not imagine making such a decision in regards to a human being. On the other hand, we are often called to make the decision to 'pull the plug.' I've been in that situation before, and it felt quite the same.
We're not God, and it's absolutely horrendous making these choices, no matter what.
Thanks again for stopping by.
*great big hugs* take care of yourself, lorlie6. Such loss.
Kudos for allowing your four legged friend gain some rest and peace.
Thanks so much, mythbuster. My heart is still aching, but it was the right time. I know it.
Thanks again.
I cried at the end when you said you have put him down. I've done that and I know it's hard but we have to have faith that they are in a good place -- and we'll see them again. I know you must miss him so much. Last night I wrote on my blog how much I miss my Pomeranian, Shadow, who I left behind in Arizona. It took me four years to be able to write about her.
I admire your ability to write from the heart. I know it's therapeutic. I love that you get so many comments. I don't write enough of what's in my heart. I am sure no one cares, but I am going to publish my blog one day for my grandchildren. I did have my blog public, but then I wasn't writing all that I wanted to. So I've taken down the address...plus I've written 40 journals through the years. Your writing helps others -- it helps us all. May God continue to bless you and strengthen you.
Oh Pamela, I read through the hub and the comments yesterday and had myself in tears again. It is such a shock to lose those you love.
I once had a dog named Shadow, I'm so sorry about your loss. I know it can take enormous effort to write these things down, but as you said, it is therapeutic.
Your grandchildren will care, Pamela! How I wish I had some written legacy of my grandmother. It would be such an amazing way to touch the past! Your writing sounds extensive and heartfelt-I wish I'd kept journals, but for my grandkids, I imagine HubPages will have to do!
Take care and thanks for coming by.
Lorlie6 - I am so sorry for your loss. Having had to 'play God' before I completely understand your pain. Like you, I don't like it one bit.
Thanks for sharing
Thanks for the read, Sweetsusieg. It's always tough, but Birthday was particularly hard for me.
Thanks again for stopping by.
I don't know what I will do if something happens to Sassie, don't want to think about it. Birthday looks beautiful, I'm sure he's watching over you now.
Is Sassie your dog, MPG? Hang on to her-I assume she's a she!-with both loving arms. There's no reason to think about such things unless they're right there, you know? Enjoy your Sassie!
I enjoyed Birthday so much!!!
And you're right-I feel his presence daily!!!
This brought tears to my eyes because I know exactly what you were going through. And it is so true..you just know, they do tell you. This is how it worked for our dog Zeke that was very old and sick. We knew he would tell us and he definitely did and we were so thankful that we could do this for him when he needed us to. RIP Birthday : )
Thank you for understanding, erthfrend. It's still so painful to lose a best friend, but I know he's better off, far more at peace. RIP to Zeke and Birthday! ;)
I appreciate the visit.
lorlie, I started reading this in Sept. but I felt so sad I couldn't finish it. Today I finished it. I have been in this same place. My heart goes out to you. Please don't feel you need to reply, I know that ,too, is painful. Jackie
Hi Jackie-Day by day, it's a bit easier to remember Birthday, so replying isn't as hard as it was. I really thank you for your visit.
With tears running down my cheeks my heart breaks for you lorlie6. I can not imagine the pain and strength that had to happen that day. Hold your memories of Birthday close as I am sure he is watching over you.
Ah Victoria-I'm sorry to have caused your tears, but that tells me you have a sensitive, sweet soul.
Birthday will always be in my heart.
Thanks for coming by.
Lorlie6, My heart is breaking for you even though I'm so late with this entry. Such a sweet little dog - so cute and friendly looking. What a lovey. Little Birthday.
Let me confide that I recognized you as a kindred spirit from the first time I saw your picture and now I know why. Animal lovers. Your love and compassion shines through this sad but lovely hub. We've experienced much of the same circumstances in the past year and I see many similarities to my situation with Dolly. She was diagnosed with a splenic tumor, inoperable that took her down, with little hope for recovery at 14 years old, yet she found the strength to rise again for a few weeks and let us all love her for a little longer.
Nothing can ever replace them, but as you've experienced, the memories of those last unbearable days become less prevalent and the happy years move into the forefront as time passes.
My deepest condolences go out to you on your loss.
Much love from your new friend. XXX OOO
Peg
Dear Peg, I've felt exactly the same way about you! I DO believe that there is synchronicity in this world-here, indeed, it is.
Your description of Dolly in her last days reminds me so of Birthday-he also gave us a few weeks to dull the pain of it all.
I am sooo proud to be your follower and look forward reading much more of your offerings.
Love to you, Peg,
Laurel
ahorseback Level 7 Commenter 21 months ago
Lorie , I am so sorry for your pain, remember , the memories are forever. Thank you for sharing bithday with us......